Post Christmas Laziness

We made it through the holidays! Did you?

This was probably one of the most low key Christmases we have ever had, and you know what? I kinda liked it! Obviously Johnny was feeling good enough to participate, but still tired very easily. Whenever he was ready to head home, that's what we did.

There were a few things that we had to miss out on, but we know that our friends and family understand that this year is just a little bit "different" for us. We are very confident that next year we will be able to fully participate in all of the craziness that the holidays offer.

Today was gloriously lazy. We slept in so late, I'm embarrassed to say what time we finally started to move. Quinn is snowboarding at Swiss Valley with friends and Jake has his best friend, Dylan, over to stay the night. Johnny is making jambalaya for dinner and I am just putzing on the computer.

Chemo is becoming a distant memory already . . .

Now that Johnny has completed this ordeal, we have all of the tests scheduled for "re-staging" his cancer. Here is the upcoming schedule of events:

Monday, December 28th: PET/CT scan
Tuesday, December 29th: MRI scan
Monday, January 4th: Colonoscopy
Wednesday, January 6th: Office visit with Dr. Ansari to review scans/colonoscopy
Tuesday, January 12th: Meet Dr. House at IU Med Center to plan and schedule surgery.

I'm excited to hear how well the chemo has worked, but also so very hesitant to get over confident. I would love to hear that everything is gone, or at least so insignificant that surgery will be a piece of cake. I am scared to death to find out that any of the cancer has traveled or become stubborn and has not reduced any from the previous set of scans.

I'll be so relieved again when we have the surgery plan. Again, I feel like we are in a state of limbo. When Johnny was diagnosed I felt this way to a much greater degree while we waited for our plan of attack and chemo schedule. Once the surgery is scheduled, I'll feel better. When the surgery is OVER and I have him back home to heal, I'll feel even better yet!

That's where we stand for now. Please continue to pray for Johnny's body to heal and for his lab values to recover before he has surgery. Also, we could still use some prayers for his blood pressure. That darn blood pressure!

Don't worry, if I get any word at all on the scans before our appointment with Dr. Ansari I'll let everyone know. Have I ever been able to keep this kind of stuff to myself?!!?

Not a creature was stirring . . .

especially Toad!

It is Chemo Tuesday and staying true to his modus operandi, Johnny is sound asleep. He woke a few minutes ago to have a snack and to tell me that he is feeling "pretty good". Makes me happy when he says that!

Yesterday we went and had our little chat with Dr. Ansari like we do every other Monday. He is very happy with the CEA level, which is holding steady at 3.4. To Dr. Ansari, this is a "normal" level. Although normal doesn't mean Johnny is cancer-free it does mean that the chemo has done as much as it could possibly do. Now the only thing left in order to properly kick cancer's booty is to surgically remove any little bits that may be left over.

Dr. Ansari had previously talked to us about a surgeon at IU Med Center named Mary Maluccio. However, after talking with her and finding out that her specialty has primarily moved in the direction of liver transplants, he has decided that Dr. House is the best match for us. I have actually heard other physicians speak of Dr. House and that makes me feel pretty good. I swear if he walks into the exam room with a cane and a limp, we are high-tailing it out of there! I really can't stand that show AT ALL! Although, the outcomes are usually pretty good, so I should be encouraged by that -- right?

Johnny talked to Dr. Ansari about all of his remnant effects from the chemo. His feet are BAD, not in a terribly painful way, but numb and super cold all the time. His hands seem to have improved since he started taking the Neurontin. He is having occassional nosebleeds, but these have never been unstoppable, just annoying. Another thing we have been noticing is his loss of body hair. Weird. He hasn't lost any of the hair from his head (Insert your own bald joke here) but his back hair is almost completely gone (and the heaven's parted while the angels sang) with the exception of that cute little chia pet that lives above his butt. I think that is cute, so I hope it doesn't fall out. His legs look like he is suffering from mange. One whole side of his leg is completely smooth as a baby's butt, but then he has a horse's mane running down his shin. Totally bizarre hair patterns on his legs. And his mustache has only about 36 hairs left to it. He told me last night that he is shaving it off. NO!!! Most of you know that Johnny has only been mustache free TWICE since I have known him. Once for a Halloween costume (Mr. Clean -- which incidentally was the first time he ever shaved his head and then never grew it out again!) and the other time was because he lost a bet to his minor league baseball team. I don't like it when he doesn't have a mustache. Not. one. bit. I hope it will eventually grow back in. I agree with Johnny, it does look a little sparse!

His blood pressure continues to be high, but since this is the last session we are just sticking with the 10 mg of Amlodipine (Norvasc) and watching to see if it comes down and stays down without the chemo on board.

When they accessed his port yesterday the darn thing was really being stupid. It wouldn't allow them to draw from it, so to speed things up Johnny had to have labs drawn from a vein. That isn't the worst thing, but the port was designed to eliminate the need for additional sticks. When they attempted hooking up the chemo, it still wasn't working. They ended up accessing the port a second time with a different needle and that seemed to do the trick. After being there for almost two hours he was finally infusing for the 12th and FINAL time!!

Even though chemo is just the last thing on the planet anyone would ever want to do, I have to say there is an element that we are going to miss. We have made some dear friends with whom we sit and pass the time. May finished her chemo in November (Hi, May!!) and we are keeping in touch via the blog and Facebook. She had colon cancer, too. Another dear friend that we will miss is Carol. Carol has breast cancer and is a joy to talk with. Her protocol for chemo is quite different and has a longer time between sessions, but will also have to go longer until she has completed her entire gig. (Hi, Carol!! I hope you found the blog easily!!) Carol told us she isn't really in to technology, but likes to keep in touch via email so that is what we are going to do!

I will also miss spending an entire day with Johnny every other week. I know I still have some quality/quantity time coming up with his surgery, but I never have enough time with him.

The rest of the time at the infusion center yesterday was pretty uneventful (thankfully!). Once we got home, Johnny headed to bed and I tried to get things organized for Christmas. I still haven't wrapped anything, mostly because I just despise wrapping. Yuck. Tonight my plan is to sit in front of the television (something I never do) and wrap away until the wee hours of the night. I have to get as much as possible done tonight because I'm on call tomorrow (Wednesday) and Thursday is already Christmas Eve! As Charlie Brown would say: Aaarrrrrrgggghhh!

I'm looking forward to Christmas this year like crazy. Funny how a little perspective check like cancer can make the reason for the celebration of Christmas seem so much more important than the gifts. I like that.

Off now to wrap the presents while my Toad Prince sleeps in heavenly peace.

Last Day of Chemo!

This will be a short post tonight, but I promise a longer more detailed post tomorrow when I can hopefully find a little more time.

Chemo #12 went relatively well. The port had to try and show us that it was the boss today by being really finicky . . . but Johnny prevailed and chemo went on as scheduled.

Johnny's body is just very tired and needs to rest this week so that Christmas can be as normal as possible. He is as comfortable as he can be at this point with the pump still attached and looks forward to Wednesday when he considers chemo to be over for good.

I'll update tomorrow with all of our upcoming appointments and test schedule. He is going to be a busy boy over the next couple weeks!!

Much love to everyone that is keeping up with the blog even though I've been so lame with it lately!

I PROMISE TOMORROW I'LL POST WITH GUSTO!!

We are still here!

Please don't forget about us!!!

I know I have been absolutely terrible about updating Johnny's blog lately . . . but you know, right now BUSY is an understatement.

Let's recap: It is Christmastime. That in itself makes all of us Crazy Busy! Then we have all the various school parties, programs, concerts, etc. Anyone with kids knows how this just zaps your time! (Side Note: Why do I ALWAYS wait until the last moment to iron the outfits the kids need for the appropriate performance? Every. Single. Time.) Then on top of all the Holiday Preparations it just so happens that the hospital I have worked in for 18 years decided to pack up and move. No small undertaking. Add to that being on call, and it just about takes every last second of my time.

The good news is: The Christmas cards are in the mail (except the ones with address changes :O] ) and the Christmas presents have been purchased with only a couple exceptions. Nothing is wrapped, though. That is for this weekend. The hospital has successfully moved across town to Mishawaka. If you haven't seen it, it is worth the trip over there. GORGEOUS! And tonight was the last program of the season (Quinn's band concert). Only a couple things left to do, and I will officially be ready for Christmas.

Which brings me to Johnny . . . the whole reason we meet here on a relatively regular basis, right?

He is just so ready for this all to be finished . . . he is physically exhausted. His body is starting to harbor true hatred for all the chemical toxins that have been pumped into it. The bottoms of his feet have completely peeled off numerous times, as have the skin on his hands. He complains of pain (a neurological effect that should go away with time) in his hands and feet on a daily basis. The cold intolerance persists. Nose bleeds are a new and annoying visitor. We know that things could be so much worse for Johnny, and we are thankful that his truly bad days have been kept to a minimum. Just one more to get through. Thank you, God.

My prayers persist and I hope you are still with us through all of this. Please forgive me for the infrequent updates over the last couple weeks. I promise, when we are settled in our new department and Christmas is over, the updates will become more regular and consistent. We appreciate knowing you are out there praying for us on a daily basis. Keep it up, will you?

Number Eleven

When Johnny had his very first chemotherapy cycle I thought there was no way we were going to make it all the way through twelve. Do you remember the monster battles and sewer screaming? Me, too.

We have made it through Number Eleven, and even though the pump is still attached we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Man, does that feel good.

Today in our meeting with Dr. Ansari we talked about Johnny's blood pressure a little more. It is being stubborn and doesn't want to come down and stay down. It has come down for a day or two, but then heads back up to the 160/100 range. Not acceptable at all. We have doubled his dosage for the second time and hope that with the last session on the horizon, it is all we will have to do. Dr. Ansari has assured us that after chemo is over, this problem will resolve with time.

Johnny's feet have become the biggest source of frustration. They are completely numb on the bottom and burn when they get cold (which happens if he even walks on the hardwood floors!). They have also started to peel and darken, just like his hands have been doing. Again, we are assured this will go away, if not completely then mostly. He was started on Neurontin to help with the pain associated with all of this.

A couple times over the last two weeks he has sprung a nosebleed. Nothing that scared either one of us, but worth mentioning to the doctor, nonetheless. He wasn't too concerned.

His lab values have remained strong. His liver function labs have been elevated, but that is expected what with cancer in the liver and all the nasty chemicals we have been sending that way to invade the tumors. Today his platelet count was the lowest it has been at 101, but again not too concerning. Nobody even blinked today when they got the results. The really, really good news with is labs is that his CEA level has gone down yet again! Today it was 3.4! That is nearly unbelievable. Johnny's nurse today said, "I just can't imagine that it can go any lower, but you have proven me wrong before!"

We finally have the name of the surgeon, too. Her name is Mary Maluccio. Johnny was thrilled that the surgeon is a woman. His theory is that women still have to try so much harder to become a surgeon in a male dominated field, so she must be EXCELLENT! We will get to meet her after the first of the year and make that determination on our own.

If you don't mind me asking again, I'd love it if you would all continue with the prayers. I know you are busy with Christmas shopping, baking, decorating and all that but just throw up a "Hey, You!" on our behalf every now and then. Thanks.

Mr. Jett

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers;

for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Hebrews 13:2

Mr. Jett is my angel. I don't even know his first name, or where he lives but I believe he is a genuine angel.

Have you ever driven past someone holding up a sign that says "Will Work For Food." It seems lately there are a lot more than ever before. I often wonder what the story is behind the person holding the sign. Family man with hungry kids at home, down on his luck because he has lost a job that he held for 15 years? Single mom that just can't make ends meet since her husband walked out leaving her alone with three kids? Oh, I can make up some really great stories in my head about these folks. Sometimes, I am ashamed to say, I think that maybe they are just lazy and not interested in finding a real job. When I think it through, though, it can't be easy to stand out on a corner for hours in the hopes of finding a couple people that may stop and help out with some cash or groceries.

On Redfield Road where Gumwood does the little jog, there is a white haired gentleman that holds his sign: Will Work For Food. God Bless You.

He usually doesn't show up until the end of the month. In my imagination it is because he has made his meager Social Security hold out as long as possible, and by the 25th or so of each month there is just nothing left. I've never bothered to ask him what the story is because it wouldn't change why I stop.

I had seen him at that location a couple times before and had never stopped. For some reason, I couldn't get him out of my head. I fantasized in my head that he was an angel and was watching to see how the world treated him. Maybe he was reporting back to the Big Guy himself. I decided if I ever saw him again, I would stop.

Several months passed and I kept wondering if he would no longer come to "his" spot. And then on a cold day, I made the left turn off Gumwood on to Redfield and there he was. He was standing there holding his sign and wearing an old winter coat and yard gloves. I'm not sure why, but my heart actually pounded in my chest.

I drove past him, making the right turn back on to Gumwood. What should I do? Instantly I thought that I should go buy him some groceries. I turned around and went to the Pay and Pack It on 933 (This was before the Martin's at Heritage Square was open) and bought $20 worth of groceries.

I took the groceries back to him and handed the bags out the window. He said, "God Bless You!" and I thought, "A-HA! You are here on a mission from God!" It was settled. He was my Angel on Redfield Road, and I vowed that I would ALWAYS take the time to stop what I was doing when I saw him and provide him with something. No matter what, if I see him standing there I automatically stop what I had set out to do and change my path to provide for him.

Believe me, there have been several times that I wanted to pretend like he wasn't there or to take another route entirely thinking that he probably WOULD be there and I just didn't have the time to stop. Not allowed.

I have had the kids with me on a number of occasions, as well. It has been a great lesson for them, as well as for myself. We have had great conversations about how people end up in that situation, how we can help, how we wish other people would not judge and just help out, too. We have also talked about how blessed we have been and that we should show our appreciation to God by helping out some of his less fortunate souls here on Earth. They know that I consider him "My Angel" and have adopted him as their own as well.

Once when I stopped, I decided I would ask his name. I rolled down my window to hand him the groceries, and said, "Hi, my name is Pam and I just wanted to bring you a few groceries. I thought maybe you could use them." He said, "Oh, I remember you. You have stopped before. My name is Jett, just like the airplane. Jay-Ee-Tee-Tee, Jett. I remember your car."

I was so happy that he actually recognized my car and knew that I had stopped before. I felt that maybe I scored some extra points upstairs since he recognized me -- silly, I know. He went on to tell me that he was alone now, his wife had been in a nursing home for a couple years and he just couldn't make it to the end of the month without a little help anymore.

That's all I know about him. I have no idea if he is crazy or pulling a fast one, and to tell you the truth: I don't care. My God and Father knows what is in my heart and that is all that matters.

Since Christmastime is fast approaching, it is a good time to reflect on how fortunate we are and to possibly help those around us. Everyone has a story, and everyone is dealing with something. Until you have walked two moons in someone else's moccasins, it isn't fair to judge them. Every unfortunate person you encounter may not be an angel you are entertaining, but hey -- You never know!

Chemo Brain

One of the most annoying thing about chemotherapy for us to deal with is what we lovingly refer to as "Chemo Brain." It is the foggy state that Johnny resides in from the time chemo starts until the end of chemo week. Actually, it lasts a little longer than that, but I don't want to make Johnny feel bad.

How can I describe chemo brain . . . .

Some of you may have talked to Johnny on the phone during this time, only to have him suddenly change subjects or abruptly say good-bye and hang up. Chemo brain.

You may have called or stopped by and talked at great length with him about very important matters, such as someone shooting a giant buck and the next day he can't remember who shot the big buck. Chemo brain.

Maybe you are married to him and you keep reminding and reminding him to NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE without calling you at work to let you know what is going on. Then, when he is reminded that he has DONE IT AGAIN!!! he is surprised with the severity of your anger. Chemo brain.

Oh, so many examples.

Here is an actual conversation that just took place yesterday:

Johnny: (After watching Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives) That Guy Harvey gets to eat at some amazing places.

Me: Honey, it is Guy Fieri.

Johnny: Oh, yeah. Guy Harvey is the dude that says, "And now you know the rest of the story."

Me: Ummm. No, babe, that is Paul Harvey.

Johnny: I must be thinking of the baseball player. . .

Me: Seriously? That's Steve Garvey.

Johnny: Then who the heck is Guy Harvey?


Chemo Brain. Actually, Guy Harvey is a real person. He is an artist that paints mostly fishing murals and he has a line of shirts that Johnny likes in the Florida Keys. He also has a wonderful restaurant in Key West. So, he wasn't entirely off base with having the name in his brain.

Hunting season (gun) is over tomorrow, and it hasn't been very productive for this Brawley household. We still have the rest of archery season and shortly muzzle loader season.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Lots and lots to be thankful for!!

Number Ten

Just when we are getting this chemo business down pat, we are running out of sessions. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be close to the end of this business, but there are a bunch of really cool people we have crossed paths with on this journey. (MISSED YOU TODAY, MAY!!!)

Number one concern for this cycle was Johnny's blood pressure. Dr. Ansari doubled his blood pressure medicine, so hopefully we will see this improve quickly. I'm taking his BP daily now, and am getting anxious to see results. Today's pressure in the office was approximately 170/126. Yuck. He slept most of the time at chemo, and he attributes it to his blood pressure. When the heart is working that hard to pump, it stands to reason that you'll tire easily.

Second concern for this visit with Dr. Ansari was Johnny's weight gain. Since July 8th he has gained a total of 16 pounds. Dr. Ansari was relentless in his teasing today and even told the new nurse practitioner, Brandi, to stay away from Johnny or he might eat her! Most people have such a hard time with chemo that weight gain usually isn't even a consideration. We all know that Johnny isn't "most people". To quote Dr. Ansari, "You are thriving on chemo."

His feet and hands really bother him the most of anything. His hands are so sensitive and are peeling layers and layers of skin daily. The pads of his fingertips are like baby skin -- so soft! The skin peels so quickly that there really isn't even a fingerprint on the tips of his index fingers. The neuropathy is moving to his feet as well. They feel "swollen" even though they aren't and have started to turn the dark color that his hands are. He says that there is a lot of burning, too. I gave him a long foot rub tonight when I tucked him in and used warm foot lotion (one of my favorites!) from Lush. He said they felt better after that which really made me happy. It is so hard to find something that I can do to help him feel better. Even something little like a foot rub makes me feel like I have helped out a little.

Dr. Ansari also said today that we will be going to Indianapolis for surgery. IU Med Center has a surgical oncology program that is currently ranked second in the country. It is second to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore (one of the early considerations for surgery). The doctors responsible for heading this program had their training at Johns Hopkins and Memorial Sloan-Kettering in New York. It is quickly becoming the "go to" spot for this region of the country. We are completely confident with this and are looking forward to completing some more details in the upcoming weeks. With the next step in the plan on the horizon it is really easy to get excited about being in COMPLETE REMISSION very soon.

Additional good news today came from Johnny's CEA level. At last report is was 3.7, and today it was 3.6. It continues to show its demise, and I love it.

Please continue to pray for Johnny and our family. I really want his blood pressure to come down this week, so that is my frontline prayer.

And remember in this season of Thanksgiving to count your blessings each and every day. Life is good, people. Life is good. And love. Love is really good.

Apologies!

I promised if Johnny shot anything, I would update the blog. As you have probably noticed, there have been no updates since November 13th. The reason for this is simple: no deer.

In addition to Johnny being gone MOST of the time since his last chemo session, I have been very busy at work with our new hospital just about ready to open. Believe me when I say, there is a lot that goes into training when you open a brand new, state-of-the-art hospital!

So, I apologize profusely to those of you whom I've disappointed with my lack of blogging. Tomorrow is chemo and as always, I will update to let you all know how Johnny is doing this week.

I'm on my own this time (no Crazy MIL - the family is in the U.P. for Thanksgiving) so I will be off on Monday and Tuesday to take care of Johnny. We are super sad that we can't go to Thanksgiving in the U.P. this year, but the chemo schedule just got in the way. There is always next year . . .

Looking forward to completing #10 tomorrow. Double digits and only TWO more after tomorrow is done. Last cycle is schedule for December 21st -- Just in time for Christmas!

Opening Day is Upon Us

Oh, yeah, Hunting Season. I almost forgot about you. Well, come on . . . Johnny's been waiting for you.

With everything that has been going on in our lives since summer (yeah, we have been a little preoccupied) hunting season's approach went almost unnoticed by me. But, here it is just 36 hours or so before Opening Day. Don't you think this should be an official State Holiday? I know I do. Johnny has been in near panic mode this week to get prepared for Sunday.

Monday's chemo went pretty well, so he was confident that this weekend would not be a problem to get out to the woods and do what he does best (well . . . ). But then came Tuesday. It was a rough one. Remember the post where I discussed the Magic Elixir? It came down to that on Tuesday. Poor Johnny. He was in a cold sweat and just about as miserable as I have seen him throughout this whole mess. After the Magic Elixir kicked in, he felt better but questioned if he was going to feel fine by this weekend.

The very next day he was out in the woods with his cousin tracking a deer. So, evidently all is well. Yesterday and today both he was out putting up treestands and getting some prime hunting locations ready for the Big Day. Of course, he had a lot of help doing all of this manual labor, but he felt good getting out there and getting it all done. I am happy that he was up to it.

When Opening Day dawns bright and early, Johnny will be where he has been every November 15th since he can remember - in the woods. I will be at home (where I always stay on November 15th, for safety reasons) and will field the 1 million phone calls that will come in. The conversations go something like this:

Caller: Toad there?
Me: No, he's not in yet.
Caller: Anybody get anything?
Me: I'm not sure. I'll have Johnny call you when he gets in or calls.
Caller: I'm headed to Pooh's, have him stop by.
Me: He will be there.

I will have this conversation over and over and over until the end of muzzle loader season. No kidding.

All kidding aside, I couldn't be happier that Johnny will be able to hunt this year. It is a big relief to him, too. Last week when he shot a 6-point with his bow, he was overcome with emotion and I know Sunday will be no different for him. He will be with his dad, brothers and multiple friends over the course of the weekend, and nothing makes him happier!

I know my prayers have included a little, "Hey, how 'bout a nice big 12-point crossing Johnny's path on Sunday." That would just be the icing on the cake.

I promise I will post something if Toad gets the big buck this weekend. As with every single Opening Day, there will be stories to tell. If any of them are "PG" rated, I'll pass them along.

On the prayer request front: Johnny's blood pressure is remaining high. It is chemo-induced, but bothersome nonetheless. We have been tracking it lately, and will contact his primary care physician on Monday for some help in getting it lowered. It should be a short-term thing since he only has three cycles to go but I worry, you know?

May: Hope you are basking in the glow of chemo completion. We will miss you on chemo Mondays!

Heidi: Still looking for you on Facebook!!! Call if you need help - I can walk you through it!! Miss you.

Number Nine

Nine and counting. . .

It feels better and better each time we leave the infusion center after a treatment. Johnny did well today during his chemo, with very minimal nausea. On the way home we even stopped by to check out a good deal on a "new" Suburban (New is a relative term -- it is a 2000! Still newer than what Johnny currently drives!) and then attended Jake's parent-teacher conference.

OK, can I sidetrack for a moment here on the parent-teacher conferences?

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am near dictatorial when it comes to school. We have the "Zero Electronics" policy Monday through Thursday. . . that's right: nothing with a screen, charger, battery or plug during the school week. I firmly believe that books are a great substitute to Xbox and addictinggames.com. I think our family definitely communicates more and plays more family games as a result (especially during the winter months).

But, when the school year started I was deep in the quagmire of Johnny's chemo schedule and really hadn't focused on the kids academics. Again, no Mother of the Year award headed my direction. When I realized about a week ago that the end of the first marking period was upon us, I discovered that I had no idea where the kids were with things. I hate that feeling.

Both of the boys did very well, with no thanks to me. Jake had straight A's and Quinn had all A's and two B's. Seriously, this was completely on their own, as the Dictator had other things going on in her head.

I thanked both of the boys tonight for staying on top of things with school in the absence of basically both of their parents since school has started. I am so proud of them. I also explained that since we know things with Johnny are going so well, I will be able to step it up as the Great Dictator for the remainder of the school year. Surprisingly, this wasn't met with the response that I thought it deserved!

Back to Johnny -- Johnny has a couple areas of "hyperpigmentation", one on his hand and the other on his head due to the chemo. Nothing serious at all, but is has been noted nonetheless. His blood pressure continues to run high while we are in the office, but at the end of his chemo session, it comes down nicely. I need to check it over the course of the next week to make sure that it comes down and stays down. High BP is also a side affect of the chemo.

We talked about the need for chemo after surgery and Dr. Ansari thinks that if the margins are "clean" then he won't need any more chemotherapy. This part rests in the skilled hands of the surgeon (who has yet to be named).

Johnny is now asleep, and I am heading to bed soon. I go to bed happy tonight knowing that chemo #9 is over for Johnny (ONLY THREE TO GO!) and my boys are actually capable of getting good grades without me constantly on their backs. This is the stuff of which good dreams are made.

Prayers, as always, are deeply appreciated.

What Cancer Can't Do

Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot erode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot lesson the power of the resurrection.

(Poem borrowed from a poster in the infusion center at Hematology/Oncology. Sorry, I don't know the author.)

Vince, may you rest comfortably in the arms of the angels. Your smile and beautiful blue eyes will be remembered by everyone who ever had the pleasure of meeting you.

Coincidences and Blessings

Ever since this whole thing with Johnny started, I've wondered "Why?". Ok, not in that "Oh, poor me . . . poor Johnny . . . poor us" kind of way, but just an overall curiosity. Was there something that could have been done to prevent it from happening or is it just what it is? I believe in a certain element of Karma, but not as a means of retribution per se.

I have done enough examination of our circumstances to see some very obvious coincidences.

Coincidence #1:

New Year's Resolutions are fun for me. I make them and by the first of March they are usually completely forgotten, just like everyone else. I tend to not make the whole "Get in shape and lose weight" resolution, because that is just too depressing. I like to go for the more obscure stuff. For example, about three years ago my resolution was to write and send 50 snail mail letters that weren't birthday cards. I had to choose random people, you know not just my family and Johnny's family. Random. Mission NOT accomplished for 2006. However, I have had the opportunity to write to well over 100 people so far this year in an expression of deep gratitude for what has been provided to our family since Johnny's diagnosis. Meals, gifts, bottles of wine, meaningful visits -- all from a varitable random assortment of the people in our lives. Maybe I can count this as delayed resolution fulfillment.

Coincidence #2:

Since the boys were fresh from the womb, Johnny has been the primary parent. I mean that in a really good way. Most kids spend all of their time with mom and not nearly enough with their dad. People know that my job has always been the more time consuming and the one with the more rigid schedule. I punch a timeclock, Johnny never has. He has always been the one to get the boys up in the morning, get them breakfast and ready for the day. Whether it was off to daycare when they were little, or now as big kids getting off to school, Johnny was the one that handled it and did it well. To be perfectly honest, I always felt that I was missing out on that part of my kids "growing up." But since Johnny handled it so well, I also felt the blessing that I could count on him for anything that had to do with raising the boys. On the occasion that I would take over morning duties, I sensed that it wasn't the natural flow for the boys -- almost like I was disrupting the way things worked.

When we knew that Johnny's cancer treatments were going to cause issues with getting the boys up and off to school in the morning, I talked with my boss at work about the possibility of coming in to work at a constant time, and much later than I normally did. Fortunately, it was possible and I have become the primary parent for the very first time.

It has been an opportunity for me that I didn't realize I had been missing out on. I get the boys up for school every day and make sure they have a nice breakfast (This morning: Hot biscuits fresh from the oven and sausage gravy -- YUMMO!). We also use the time on the ride to school to talk and have had some meaningful conversations. I can tell you that Johnny usually takes the 10 extra minutes of sleep route, rather than fixing the scrumptious breakfasts, but hey - I'm not trying to tell him how to do the job!

I don't know if the kids realize how much this has meant to me, but it doesn't matter. The rewards I have received from the bonus time with the boys has been serendipitous.

Coincidence #3:

Until July 8, 2009, no one in this house took prescription medication. I think it was in February or March when a friend at work was looking over some receipts to submit for the before tax funds that come out to pay for medical expenses (What is that called?). She asked me if I had any money taken out for medical expenses and I said, "We don't have anything. None of us take any medications at all." Woo Hoo. You should see the drug stockpile we've got going on now. Johnny has a total of 8 medications that he takes, and I have 3. Seriously, I'm saving all of the pill bottles and will do something very creative with them when this is all over!

Coincidence #4:

Let me get really honest here for a minute. I have been very well taken care of since June 19, 1984. That was the first day that I kissed Johnny Brawley in Quetico National Park, Ontario, Canada. We were on a backpacking and canoe trip (I know you have heard this story before!) and that is when we got together. A few days into the trip I ended up with Strep throat and was very sick. I was laying on a sun-warmed rock to try and absorb the heat while everyone else was eating. Johnny brought me some spaghetti and Kool-aid and told me that I needed to eat and drink something. Yeah, three days in to the relationship and he is already my prince charming. I have been well cared for every day since then. (With very few exceptions.) I have never really had the opportunity/necessity to care for him like he cares for me. He requires so little.

Until now.

I have really taken this newly-acquired job seriously. He deserves it and I really want to do a good job for him. I have a complete ritual that I perform on the Sundays before chemotherapy, just so that he is comfortable for the next three or four days that he will be spending in the bedroom/bathroom. Clean sheets, clean blankets, clean pillows, clean (SANITIZED!) bathroom, clean favorite pajamas, pills all counted out for the upcoming week, remote control placed in close proximity on his bedside table. Whatever I can do to make the chemo week tolerable, I will do. He would do all this and more for me, and I know it.

There is nothing about Johnny's cancer that makes me happy. I hate that he has gone through even one single minute of nausea and discomfort because of all this. What I have discovered is that there are blessings to be found in all circumstances. I have had the blessing of reconnecting with literally hundreds of friends and family over the course of the last 4 months. I have had the blessing of discovering the mom that I knew I could be. I have had the blessing of discovering my ability to handle situations that I had no idea I could handle. And I have had the blessing of showing the man that I love that I meant every word of "in sickness and in health."

And I thank God every single night for all of my blessings.

2/3 Done

Today was the 8th installment in the 12-part series know as "Toad's Chemo".

To begin with, Johnny was very tired this morning from staying up so late to watch the Yankees win. (SIDE NOTE: Many people don't know this, but Johnny is a big Yankees fan!) I head off to chemo with a sleepy Toad.

Our update with Dr. Ansari held no new information. Things look good from the physician perspective and Johnny and Dr. A spent more time talking about hunting than cancer. I think that is good! Johnny still doesn't like the fact that he is so cold intolerant these days. This, too, shall pass, we were told.

Accessing the port and lab draws were relatively uneventful. Hooking up the chemo made Johnny pretty "urpy" today from the smell of the alcohol wipes they use. We will try to remember to cover his nose with a nice smelling cloth next time. It was the closest he has been to getting sick during chemo.

Then, he slept the rest of the time.

OK, well he did wake up for lunch that Sonya brought us from Panera . . . YUM! Sonya, it was so nice to finally get to spend time with you! Lunch was great, but the time with you was even better. Love you.

Usually when we get home, Johnny is up until early evening - like 6-ish. Today he kept his eyes closed for the whole ride home (and I took the scenic route along Riverside Avenue to look at the pretty colors, too). When we got home he headed straight to bed with a little tummy ache and body aches. He attributes the body aches to moving tree stands yesterday, but was willling to take some medicine to help knock out the pain. He also took some additional nausea meds.

I really hope that this is just a fluke and he will continue with the normal trend he has established with chemo. Who knows. One thing we have figured out is that anything can happen, even when you think you have it figured out. Hopefully he will have a restful night and just sleep through the bad part.

On the bright side -- he smells baby-fresh again! You can't beat that!

There are some other side effects that he has been experiencing. I've talked about the cold intolerance before, and that continues like gang-busters. I even bought him this neoprene head cover with a little nose/beak cover thingy so that only his eyes are exposed. It looks like something a deep sea diver would wear. When he has been out in the cold recently, he feels little nerves in his face, especially his nose. His hands get cold easier, too.

Another thing that has happened is the skin on the palms of his hands has darkened considerably, along with the fortune-teller lines. They are really dark. I'll bet if he actually went to a fortune teller, she would freak out from the color of the lines! It might be fun to do, actually.

Nothing really earth shattering, but interesting nonetheless.

I'm just ready to be done with all of this chemo crap, get on with the surgery and start the final healing process. Hopefully by his birthday next summer we will have the "all clear". I can tell you when that happens, we are going to have one heck of a party! Seriously.

OK, now on a totally different subject matter altogether: Have you ever heard of FarmVille on Facebook? Jake needed a new "neighbor" so he asked me to start a farm on this little game on FB. Before you start making fun of me (I'm already a level 7 after only 2 days!) you need to know that there are a boatload of people playing this. I am talking grown, professional adults. Not just kids! I am completely addicted and was upset today because Hematology/Oncology's Wi-Fi didn't work so I couldn't harvest my soybeans. I know! I was telling Sonya about it and one of the hem/onc nurses came over and said, "Are you talking about FarmVille?" She is a level 26! All the really cool kids are playing it. So, if you get on FB and start a farm, please send me a gift. I promise I will send you something in return. Visit my farm, and you will notice I have a plan to surround it with fruit trees.

And I don't want any messages sent to me telling me that I have lost my mind. I won't answer you anyway because I will be busy farming! Have to go now, my strawberries need to be harvested and the cow milked.

Thursday at the Brawley's

My, how fast the "good" weeks fly by!

Soccer season and football season are both coming to a close and our schedule will finally calm down for a while. Johnny's last football game was tonight (a scrimmage and pizza party to follow) and I know it is bitter-sweet for him. He has really enjoyed being involved with the boys, even in his limited capacity. He has greatly enjoyed and appreciated working with Jim Craig. Jim is an amazing coach, and it is really reflected in the 7th grade record this year. I think the 7th graders are well-prepared and will go in to 8th grade football with a lot of newly acquired confidence because of Coach Craig. Thanks again, Jim.

Jake had a soccer game tonight in the rain. Where and when did I sign up for this? I actually missed most of the first half of the game because I fell asleep in my car! This is the second time that it has happened, too. See, what happens is: Jake has to be at the field 30 minutes prior to game time to warm up. I just sit in the car (when the weather is yucky) and wait til game time. Then I truck on out to the field with my chair, blanket, and umbrella to enjoy a rousing match-up. This evening I was cozy in my little Jetta with the seat warmers toasting my buns to golden brown perfection (Oh! Perfection? I wish!) when suddenly I awoke with a start to discover that it was 6:15! The game was supposed to start at 6:00, but due to the weather they started 10 minutes early. I missed 25 minutes of a 30 minute half. My dad was at the game and was just about to come back to my car to wake me up. He was at the game last Saturday when I fell asleep, but I actually woke up when the game started, not half way through. I better not do that again, or I'll end up missing the entire game. Geez.

We are keeping close tabs on the whole H1N1 flu. I am really paranoid about Johnny getting sick. He is actually not even considered immune compromised right now because his lab values are all in the "normal" range. But even with normal labs, I don't want him subjected to anything that could affect him in a bad way. Know what I mean?

I know several people that are down with all manner of the flu, including H1N1. Just take care of yourselves out there. If you are sick, stay home and rest, drink lots of fluids, and take two aspirin and call me in the morning. Well, maybe not me per se, but you get what I'm talking about. Grant and Bryanna report that it is sweeping through Central Michigan University now. That would be awful to be away from home and really sick.

Looking forward to a basically quiet weekend. I am on call (boo!) but there is only a soccer game and a birthday party on our to-do list.

Please continue your prayers. We certainly know they work and don't want anyone to quit on us just yet.

If you don't mind me asking. . . a friend of mine from all the way back to elementary school (Marci) just found out that her sister has lung/brain cancer. I don't know any of the details, but I do know that this is a family who has just had their world rocked and could use all the prayers we can muster for them. When I found out, I got that really sick and sad feeling all over again remembering those first few days after diagnosis. It is more overwhelming than most can imagine.

Marci, please know that there are lots of people out there praying for you. People that might not even know you or Tracey; but prayers are strong and they work. Please call if there is anything I can help you with or if you have questions about doctors, etc. Praying for you all.

I really like Normal

This whole week was spent riding the wave of the good news we received from Johnny's scans. It is much easier to think about 5 more cycles ahead of us when we know the shiz is working!

I don't have to tell you that the fish fry was this past Friday, because practically every person I know was there! We set records for dinners served at a Brawley fish fry! According to MIL Ginger, 350 people is a good turn out for one of their frys. We had a whopping 860 dinners served! And yes, we ran out of fish. The fish held out until about 7:30, but not too many people had to be turned away.

I don't have the complete list of names for all of the raffle prize winners, but I will work on getting that so that I can post them here.

After the fish fry Johnny and I went to the Riverfront Cafe and met up with a very eclectic group of friends from high school. I think there were about 14 of us in all, and it was so much fun to catch up with these guys. We finally got home at about 11:30 after a VERY long day.

Saturday night was spent spooking a bunch of teenagers at a hayride/Halloween party at the Montgomery's. (Thanks for having us, Jeff and Kellie!!!) Johnny had a rough time with the cold again, and we only lasted about 2 1/2 hours. His face and hands get really numb, even if it isn't all that cold. Just part of the neurologic effects of the chemo.

So, we got home Saturday night at about 11:00. I couldn't even wait for up for Quinn to get home (thanks, Rudlaffs!) before I fell asleep. Can you even believe that I slept for 12 straight hours?!!? Crazy! I haven't done that in a very long time. You would think that I accomplished great things with all that sleep, but nope. Hardly did a thing all day!

Johnny and Quinn are out hunting. Quinn has a monster buck coming in to his stand every night at about 7:25, so he is still out in the woods. Johnny is attempting to hunt (he doesn't know if the cold will make him crazy or not) and is in Dowagiac at his least property.

Like most hunting nights, Jake and I are holding down the fort waiting for the great hunters to return. I have a pot of potato soup on the stove to warm them up when they come in. Hopefully, they will both have their bucks and we will start to fill the freezer.

Pretty darn normal around here tonight. Oh man, do I like normal.

It Is All Good

For those of you who participated in the golf outing and didn't look inside your bag of goodies, I still wanted to express my gratitude. It was an amazing event and we were just beside ourselves with the turnout. I hope everyone had as much fun as Johnny and I did!

This is the "thank you" note that was included in the bag and it pertains to everyone involved:

Dear Friends,

To begin by only saying thank you just doesn’t seem like enough.

Our world came to a screeching halt on July 8, 2009. We had never experienced anything so devastating in our 21 years of marriage. We felt scared, hopeless, and lost. We had no idea what the future would hold. One thing we knew for certain from the minute we received Johnny’s diagnosis: We were not alone.

Immediately after the dreaded diagnosis, our friends were there to provide for us. Food, comfort, Kleenex, wine, friends to laugh with, and shoulders to cry on have yet to be in short supply.

Johnny’s philosophy has always been, “Surround Yourself with Good People.” This summer and fall have driven home the power of his philosophy. Good people have provided for us in so many ways. To be on the receiving end of a fundraiser is a humbling and overwhelming experience. One of our dearest friends told us, “Allow people the blessing of helping.” The blessings have been all ours, to be sure.

The magnitude of this fundraiser and others that are planned have provided us with comfort in the knowledge that no matter what, we are cared for. I will be able to stay with Johnny whenever necessary without worrying about how everything will be taken care of financially. The comfort this provides cannot be described.

To Larry Larson, Brian Tumbleson, Jeff Altergott: Heartfelt thanks in abundance. You guys are amazing. You will forever be held close to our hearts. Huge thanks also to Dave Schiele, Jeff and Maria Brawley for rounding up so many sponsors and raffle prizes. To our Express-1 family, your support has allowed Johnny to keep his “good” weeks normal and has made the “bad” weeks tolerable. To Stevie and Lori Wells, thanks for everything you have done to make this day possible. To all the volunteers, prize donors, hole sponsors, golfers, friends, family and Toad fans, I wish I could create a word that means, “The Biggest Thanks Ever,” but since it is really all we have -- Thank You.

This journey could have been lonely and long without you. Thanks for sticking by us.

From the heart of our bottoms (where this all got started) and the bottom of our hearts, we thank you.

Most sincerely,

Johnny “Toad” and Pam
Quinn and Jake


And now for today's news:

Today was Cycle #7. We started like every other treatment with a visit to Dr. Ansari's office. He gave us the results of the PET/CT scans that were performed last Thursday. Are you ready for this?

Drum roll, please . . . . .

LIVER:

First scan - Multiple lesions in the liver, largest lesion straddles both lobes and is 3.5 X 3.0 cm in diameter. Consistent with metastatic disease.

This scan - Only TWO lesions remain in the liver, all others have RESOLVED! The largest lesion measures 1.8 x 1.5 cm in diameter. Markedly improved.

LYMPH NODES:

First scan - Multiple lymph nodes involved in the para-aortic area. Consistent with metastatic lymphadenopathy.

This scan - Metastatic disease to the left para-aortic lymph nodes has RESOLVED!

COLON:

First scan - Primary adenocarcinoma of the rectosigmoid junction identified. This tumor measured approximately 15 cm. with considerable circumferential wall thickening.

This scan - Marked improvement in the size of the primary tumor. Abnormal wall thickening shows marked improvement.

For those of you who are still scratching your head and going, "Huh?" What that all means is Johnny's cancer is running away with it's tail tucked between its legs. EVERYTHING is better. No, it isn't completely gone, but we didn't expect it to be. He still has 5 more cycles after today, and with what has happened already I don't think it is crazy to think that we will see additional improvement before surgery.

Surgery is still on. As of right now we don't know where or with whom, but for the very first time he actually mentioned that it could be possible to have surgery right here in South Bend. I voiced my concern that we are still dealing with the liver and we still don't have a liver specialist in South Bend. I want it done right, not for convenience. Dr. Ansari said that he agreed and that once we are finished with round 12 of chemo, he will order an additional set of scans to include an MRI. When he has the results of those scans we will sit down and figure out our best options. He said that he will choose for us what he would choose for himself. He also assured me that whatever we decide, we will all be happy with the decision. I liked that, and left his office content.

Oh, but wait. . . there is still more good news! After our visit with Dr. Ansari we went back to the infusion center where they had to draw labs and access his port. (Port access has gone very well the last 3 times, thankyouverymuch!) They always bring us a copy of the labs, because, yeah I am "one of those" wives! Anywho, when Mary brought us the the last page of labs, she was all smiles and wanted to play a guessing game for his CEA level. (Reminder: here are his previous CEA levels starting on July 10th -- 60.4, 34.1, 13.8,and 7.9) Can YOU guess? Here is a hint: Cut it in half again! Today's CEA level was 3.7. THREE POINT FRICKIN' SEVEN!!! According to the lab sheet, normal is 3.1. (I know, Ansari kept telling us FIVE, but evidently he didn't think it would drop so low!!)

Dr. Ansari used the term Partial Remission today. Partial is good; total is better. Total is our goal.

We are OVERJOYED to think that all the crap Johnny has had to deal with since July 8th has been worth it. It is a much different feeling to have them running in the toxic chemicals when you know they are working! He is very upbeat and you can see the relief written all over his face. I feel like I am breathing again for the first time in a very long time.

Please don't forget to pray for him just because things are going well. We know better than to assume everything is going to be just fine with no possibility of bumps in the road. There is still a long way to go, but we are confident that slow and steady will win this race.

I've posted late tonight, and now I am super tired. I need to go give Johnny a good sniffing and then fall off to sleep myself. Thanks for your continued support and interest in the blog. It is my therapy and a good stress outlet for me; and as most of you know I am quite open in sharing personal details of our daily life. I'm just so thankful that I have a captive audience! What will we talk about when Johnny is all better? Hmmmmm. . .

Praying tonight for Megan McKeel. Sheryl and Rick, if you need anything you know where we are!

Oh, and Check This Out! Thanks again, Jessica!

Oh, one more thing: Read Mitch Albom's newest book, Have a Little Faith. It is amazing.

Wait, wait, one more thing: Fish Fry this Friday, October 16th from noon until 8 pm at the Eagles Lodge by the Riverfront Cafe and Ampitheatre. Seriously, I have never seen so much fish and cole slaw in my life. Come eat it or the Brawley's are going to have to eat fish for a month of Sundays!

Mesenteric Adenitis and Wicked Good Slippers

When you come to the end of your rope, you simply tie a knot and hang on, right?

This morning, Quinn woke with an excruciating stomach ache right in the middle of his belly. His cheeks were red, but he didn't feel feverish (thermometer is broke, currently on Wal-Mart list). He said, "Mom, my stomach is killing me." I asked him if he was going to make it to school, to which he replied tearfully, "I can't."

Let me say that Quinn isn't a faker. He never tries to get out of going to school and if he tells me that he is in too much pain or too sick to go, then he really is. (Jake is a completely different story!!!) He said that he wanted to go to Grandma Gerry's house, so Johnny took him there on his way to work. I took Jake to school and headed to work myself.

After a couple hours at work, I called my mom's to check on Quinn. He said that his stomach still hurt bad, but the pain had moved from his belly button to three inches to the right. Alarm bells rang out . . . classic symptoms of appendicitis. I asked him if he felt the pain was bad enough to go to the doctor's office, to which he replied, "Yes." Crap-o-la.

Johnny picked him up and brought him to the doctor's office. I was swamped at work and didn't want to leave since I have had so much time off for Johnny, and this week with my own sinus infection. I left it in Johnny's hands, since he is definitely the more sane of the two of us these days. When I didn't hear back from him after 45 minutes, I thought it was the whole, "No news is good news" scenario.

I called his cell phone.

"Everything OK?" I asked.

Pause. "Well, the doctor thinks it is his appendix. Pam? Pam? Are you OK?"

I basically imploded right there in the control room at work. (Thanks, Boobie, for holding me up!) I could only think of them cutting open my baby and all the terrible things that people in the medical field can come up with when the shit hits their own fan.

Not. One. More. Thing. I. Can't. Handle. One. More. Thing.

So I caught up with them as Quinn was getting ready for his CT. He drank the yucky stuff and we waited. After an hour and a half (!!) they took him back and did his scan. Quinn even managed to make it without passing out from the IV and blood draw, which is HUGE for him. He has had several bad, bad, bad experiences with IVs and labs. Poor baby. So we were finished and waited while they called in the report to the doctor.

They sent us out only with the knowledge that it wasn't his appendix, THANK GOD. Dr. Sisk (not our normal pediatrician -- we are Dan Brier fans!) finally did call us around 8:30 this evening and told us that the lymph nodes in his abdomen are very inflamed, probably from a virus. She called it Mesenteric Adenitis. She said that he will probably have a pretty bad tummy ache for a couple days, and it should resolve by the weekend. My sister, Angie, actually had this a couple times and said that it is terribly painful. He just needs to "lay low". He is very relieved, too, I can tell.

So, it is now almost 10 p.m. and I am finally able to think (relatively) straight.

Earlier I took Jake to soccer practice and had to run a couple errands, one of which included a stop at Wal-Mart. (No, I didn't get a thermometer. I left the list at home!) I am afraid to admit that in my fragile mental state, I went to Wal-Mart in my slippers. I just know I am going to end up as one of those pictures in the "People of Wal-Mart" emails that circulate around. I hope they blur out my face.

OK, but in my slipper's defense, they are really practically shoes. They are the Wicked Good Scuffs from L.L. Bean. Seriously good slippers.

My previous pair lasted for 15 years, I had them longer than both of my kids! I got them for Christmas one year and dubbed them the best darn slippers EVER! But like all good things, their time came to an end and I finally had to toss them. They were completely ripped out and had holes through the bottom sole; they could no longer stand repairs. I told Johnny that it was the only thing I wanted for my birthday . . . Wicked Good Scuffs from L.L. Bean. And that is exactly what I got.

I wonder, though. Will these last for 15 years? They are certainly well built and comfy. If I have these for 15 years, I may actually have GRAND KIDS by the time they give out. My boys will both be done with college. Johnny and I will be retired and living part time in the Bahamas. Griffin will be driving a car and in high school. Grant and Bryanna, Andrew, Josh and Zack will be contributing to 401Ks, and will probably be parents themselves. The rest of the nieces and nephews will be well into their secondary educations. John and Ginger and my Mom and Dad will be older, and enjoying their growing families immensely. Hopefully, all of us will be happy and healthy.

I had no idea that these slippers came with so many hopes and dreams built into them. Maybe that is why I love them so much!

AND! To Jim Craig and the 7th grade football team that annihilated Penn's Discovery Middle School team: YOU GUYS ROCK! The future of Niles Football is looking really good! Congratulations, and thanks again, Jim. You know for what.

Brush with Greatness

OK, Seriously . . . did you see the Vikings/Packers game? Holy Wah! Jared Allen and Brett Favre were ON FIRE!

Do you remember when Muhammad and Lonnie Ali gifted us with tickets to see Elton John and Billy Joel at Wrigley Field? If not, go here.

Well, there was this Man Mountain in front of us with his friends, just singing and dancing along with Elton and Billy and completely enjoying himself. The friends were having fun, too. Anyway, Johnny, Molly, Jim and I were talking about this guy on the way home saying, "OK, who was that guy? We knew he had to be a professional athlete, but unfortunately we couldn't think of who is was immediately.

About a day later, Jimmy calls and tells me to look up "Jared Allen" on Google. Oh, my gosh! That was the Man Mountain that was in front of us at the concert!!! No wonder he looked familiar. Molly took the picture above at the concert, because we just knew we knew him.

I just wish that we would have had him sign our ticket stubs, or my boobs, or something tangible while he was right there in front of us! Dang, that was a missed opportunity . . .

I just thought I would deviate from the world of cancer for a few minutes and tell you of this brush with greatness. :O)

And, Jared, if you are reading this: You are invited to hunt and/or fish with us at our cabin in the Upper Penninsula anytime you want. Oh, and keep the mullet . . . it's hot.

GOLF OUTING IS FULL!

Remember when I told you all to get your golf registrations in early? Well, I wasn't just whistling Dixie! As of 12:30 today we have confirmed 60 teams for The Fighting Toad Golf Outing!

If by some chance you thought you should wait to sign up, please give Larry Larson a call (and ONLY Larry Larson, he is the only person with the Master List -- 269-695-4966). We are trying to come up with arrangements that will allow as many extra teams as possible to play. If all else fails, we will start a waiting list.

Can I just say -- WOW!

If you'd like to stop out for a great party and not golf, we will be at Hampshire Country Club, 29592 Pokagon Hwy, Dowagiac from early until late afternoon. Plenty of raffle prizes and good food and beer. We'd love to see you there!

Let the Good Week Begin

Again, we start the new week -- the “good” week. We have to get a lot accomplished during the good week, to make up for the lost hours/days of the “bad” week.

This week is no exception. There is definitely a lot to get done. We are in the final stages of planning the golf outing, and it is coming together very nicely. At this writing, there are 58 teams signed up. If you are still interested, please give Larry Larson a call. We want you all to be there, if not just for the golf, then for the raffle prizes! Because -- and I am not kidding you folks -- there are some flippin’ amazing prizes! I can’t even begin to list them all, so I won’t even try. Just come out to Hampshire Country Club on Saturday and check them all out, buy your raffle tickets and WIN!

Thursday morning at 8:30 Johnny will have his PET/CT scans. We are looking forward to this, and hopefully the good news that it will provide. I have to say, there is a little part of me that is nervous that there is something else lurking around inside that cute Toad body.

We will see Dr. Ansari again next Monday and he will give us the results and the game plan. We assume that the game plan is to continue chemo for another 6 cycles and then plan surgery. Believe me, if there are any changes to the plan we will let you know.

Not much else to report for now, so I will leave you all with happy thoughts of normal PET scans and CTs. Wouldn’t that be nice? I know it is what I am praying for tonight.

Awake and Cold

Evidently it takes until Thursday to wake up when they give you the 5-FU Mega Dose. Johnny slept like a log from Monday night, all the way through Tuesday and well into Wednesday. He did wake up momentarily to ride with me to take Jake to soccer practice, and then had to come home and take a nap. Exhausting! Seriously, he was awake maybe 45 minutes before he had to head back to bed.


But, the good news is it is now Thursday, and he has been up for the majority of the day. He did take about a 2-hour nap during the mid part of the day, but has been (relatively) productive!


Remember he has that cold sensitivity thing, right? Tonight Jake had a soccer game in the rain which made it feel like 32 degrees, even though it was 52. Johnny arrived in shorts and a sweatshirt (even though I told him that he was going to freeze). He never even made it to the bleachers. "I have to go home and get more clothes." Hmmm. Go figure. When he made it back to the game, he was in full hunting gear, including stocking cap. I'm just glad he didn't wear anything that was hunter's orange! He made it through the game but was a frozen Popsicle by the time we got back to the car. It seems that it isn't only cold drinks and taking things from the freezer that affects the sensitivity. Just being in the cold air does the same thing . . . only to his entire body! He said that if he touched the tip of his nose, he could feel a nerve sensation that wrapped around his nose, through his cheek and up to his forehead. He traced the path with his finger. Hunting season doesn't seem too promising, does it?


Just before Jake's game we had a meeting with the dynamos that are putting together The Fighting Toad Golf Outing. Wow, these guys are good! It is very well planned and thought through right down to the volunteers for each specific event. I'm telling you, these guys could consider Golf Outing Organization as a new career path! Brian and Larry let us know that there are approximately 48 teams signed up (we can only accept 12 more teams! Hurry!). We have an amazing list of Hole Sponsors (can still accept more of these, too) and a list of prizes that is completely overwhelming.


There are two raffles in conjunction with the Golf Outing and the Brawley Family Fish Fry. The first is for a multitude of prizes that will be drawn at the Golf Outing itself. These tickets are $1 each/6 for $5 / or 25 for $20. The prizes for this raffle are quite varied and include things such as sporting events tickets, hunting and fishing gear, oil changes, restaurant certificates, hair and salon products and services, sports memorabilia, golf packages, and soooooo much more. These tickets are available in advance and will be by random drawing at the golf outing. Please contact me, Johnny, Larry Larson (contact info on golf registration form), or any member of the Brawley/DeCraene family.


The second raffle is for six specific prizes that you can specifically designate your ticket to go towards. These tickets are $5 each or 6 for $20. The prizes available for this raffle are:

1. Seven Day Ohio Bow Hunt


2. Muhammad Ali Signed Memorabilia


3. Seven Piece Pampered Chef Cooking Set


4. Lake Michigan Fishing Charter for Four


5. Lake Erie Fishing Charter for Four


6. Three Day Spring Ohio Turkey Hunt

These tickets are also available in advance and will be by specified drawing. When purchasing a ticket, you fill out your name and phone number and circle the number that corresponds to the prize you would like to win. (Example: I want to win the Pampered Chef set, so I will circle the number 3 on the stub.) These prizes will be drawn at the Brawley Family Fish Fry. Tickets will be available for this raffle at the Golf Outing as well.

OK, so those are the raffles in a nutshell. In addition to that (I KNOW! It is crazy!!!) There will be a couple silent auctions at the fish fry. One is for a one week cabin rental in God's Country, aka John and Ginger's Up North Homestead. (Dates for this are negotiable and by availability) This would be great for snowmobilers, ice fishing, a quiet getaway without kids. The other silent auction is for a Remington 300 mag rifle. No explanations necessary with that one! These silent auction items (and possibly a couple more) will be auctioned off at the Brawley Family Fish Fry, so make sure to come early and bid often.

Side note: When you pronounce the word OFTEN, do you say OFFEN or OF-TEN. Is your "T" silent or enunciated? Just wondering . . . I say the "T".

Well, the Toad is already in bed and I need to head there myself. Today was a busy day, and there is a busy weekend heading this way. Not to mention all the preparations for the BIG GOLF OUTING on the 10th!

Lastly, if you are considering volunteering for the Brawley Family Fish Fry, please contact Crazy MIL (Ginger) at 269-683-9001. She will assign a time and a task for you.

Lets recap: Tired and cold Toad, Golf Outing approaching, raffle tickets available, Fish fry volunteers contact Ginger. Oh, and Never.Quit.Praying!!!

Tuesday again

For not knowing what to expect from the increased dose of 5-FU, I think Johnny has managed quite nicely, thank you very much.

He was pretty nauseated last night and was quite restless until about 2 a.m. I think all the bedtime meds finally kicked in and he then got some peaceful sleep. The 5-FU pump grinding away all night drove me nuts . . . I swear they gave us the loudest one they have!

The remainder of the day Johnny has spent in bed, smelling like a baby and sleeping away. I definitely think he is sleepier this time than before. Fortunately, he hasn't needed extra medicine for nausea so that is a plus.

Basically today in a nutshell goes something like this: wake up, take the boys to school, come home, smell Johnny, do some laundry, give Johnny drugs, more laundry, clean, smell Johnny . . . blah, blah, blah. It is really boring when Johnny is sleeping, but I'll take boring knowing that he is doing OK.

OK, so I know this has been the most boring post ever but I am happy that there isn't much to report. I will be going to bed very early tonight and am considering ear plugs so I don't hear the pump.

Please say your prayers tonight and include us. We believe in MIRACLES of all shapes and sizes and we know that prayers can make that happen.

Happy Birthday, Angel Ava. We know you are the sweetest of all of the littlest angels in heaven. I know you are well loved in heaven and on earth you are always in our hearts.

Birthday Wishes

Thanks to everyone for sending me the great birthday wishes. It is great to be 42 -- again!

There are so many things that I would normally ask for on my birthday, you know the normal stuff like a robin's egg blue box from Tiffany's or a day at the spa or (another) trip to someplace warm and tropical. . . but that was before.

It is amazing how "things" just don't mean as much anymore (WAIT! If you have already sent the Tiffany box, I'll accept it!). This morning my first thought wasn't that it was my birthday. It was about Johnny's cancer and his increased dosage for chemo today. My next thought was what to do with Jake since he needed to stay home from school with a tummy bug. My next thought was getting Quinn to school on time and with a nice warm breakfast in his belly. It wasn't until I was drying my hair that I thought, "Oh, wait. . . it's the 28th, isn't it?" Just another day, really.

I did sent up a little prayer to God this morning when I realized that it was my b-day and asked that if I could be so bold, I would like to know that things are going to be OK. I wasn't really asking for a thunderbolt or an alien spacecraft to spell it out in the sky, just maybe something subtle, you know. I kept an eye peeled and my ears perked for the "sign".

When we got to Dr. Ansari's he walked in the exam room looking dapper as always and the first words out of his mouth were, "The CEA is down to 7.9." SEVEN POINT NINE. Boo-Yah! I took that as my sign. Thanks, God. That was every birthday present for the rest of my life wrapped up in one sentence. I'll take it as fair trade.

Dr. Ansari was impressed with the number and reminded us that "normal" is five. Five, as in two-point-nine less than where we stand right now.

The decision was made to boost the chemo dose anyway, since the lab values indicated that it was safe to do so. I said it before, and I'll say it again: Cancer doesn't know who it is dealing with! You cannot mess with the Fighting Toad! I will say, though, that Johnny's isn't feeling well right now, and with this increased dosage I anticipate a rough night for him. Please pray for this to not be the case, but we will tackle what ever this nasty 5-FU hands us.

While over the course of the last six chemo cycles, we have met some of the nicest people. Chemo Mondays are dreaded (even by Johnny, he admitted yesterday) but seeing the Monday "regulars" makes the time spent in the lounger go by quickly. Two ladies, May and Carol, have become quick friends and we enjoy chatting the time away with them. There are others we have met and continue to pray for as well. It is a special community in that infusion center. People share fears and concerns, hopes and helpful hints. A very unique bond forms, and forms quickly. I know it has changed us, as I'm sure it has the others that spend hours infusing away.

So, for the rest of my birthday I will be thankful for the gift of a low CEA level for my Johnny. I also look forward to turning 43 and celebrating life without cancer with the love of my life and the boys. Now that is a gift that will keep on giving!

Holy Wah! Escanaba was GREAT, eh!

For those of you able to attend the Escanaba in Da Moonlight performance on Thursday night: Thank you! For those unable to attend, I have to tell you, you missed an incredible night filled with fantastic entertainment. I hate to admit, but I wasn't quite expecting the quality of performance that was presented. By intermission my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard. It felt so good to be able to laugh out loud next to Johnny and surrounded by so many of our friends. They even challenged Johnny to chug some of their leftover "Mooseball Milkshake" after the performance. You'll have to ask Johnny about the "protein chunks" some time.

And to Stephanie Stowe Salisbury: Thanks from the heart of our bottoms and the bottoms of our hearts. This was just exactly what we needed at just the right time. You and all of the actors/actress created something special on stage that we will not soon forget. "Holy Wah!"

Next in line for The Fighting Toad event calendar is the golf outing, Saturday, October 10th. I may start sounding like a broken record here, but WOW are there a lot of prizes. Seriously, even if you don't golf you should come out to Hampshire Country Club just for the raffle. I'm not sure of the total, but I know for sure there are 6 or 7 prizes with values over $500!

And if you do golf you really need to get your registration sent in soon (or at least call to reserve your spot). As of Thursday there were already 45 teams signed up (!) and we have been told that the course only has enough golf carts to accommodate 60 teams. So, quick like a bunny, send in your registration.

I would love to post a list of all the prizes being offered, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. I guess you'll just have to join us that day to find out! It is still not too late to offer your volunteer services. Please call Larry Larson or email him (see info on the registration form) if you are interested in helping on October 10th.

The Brawley Family Fish Fry is also fast approaching. I have had so many friends from out of town call to let us know they will be joining us. I can't tell you how excited that makes me!

The BFFF will be at the Eagle's Lodge in downtown Niles (across from the Riverfront Cafe) from 12 noon on Friday, October 16th, until 8 pm. We had to extend the hours due to expected high numbers of people. Evidently, Johnny Brawley knows a lot of people around here that like to eat fish! We are looking for volunteers for this event as well. If you are willing to help out, please call my wonderful crazy MIL, Ginger, and she will assign you a task and a time. Please reach her by calling 269-683-9001. There will be additional prizes raffled off at this event as well.

I'm going to need a vacation when all of these events are finished! We are really being kept busy by all of this stuff! But it is a happy kind of busy, so we really don't mind.

Monday is a big day. Johnny is a bit anxious about what the new dose of chemo will do to him and how his body will respond. I just hope the Emend will still hold the nausea/vomiting in check for him. Just in case it doesn't, I've been reading up on some other options (meds) for nausea control. There are several tricks still left for us to try, and I am not afraid to call the office and ask for more help if Johnny needs it.

I am just happy that after treatment on Monday we will be half way through with chemo and should start to look for surgeons (I would think, anyway). I think it is kinda crappy that my birthday (WOOT!) has to be spent worrying about Johnny's new chemo dose, but I just feel like this will entitle me to a nice warm tropical birthday celebration next year when Johnny has officially kicked the booty of this nastiness we call cancer.

Side note about my birthday: On Monday I will be 42. Funny thing is, I thought I was going to be 43. At some point during this past year, I started saying that I was 42 and evidently I believed myself enough to confuse the be-jeebies out of me when my birthday started approaching. I said something about being 43 not too long ago to Johnny, and he said, "I'm 43, you have to be 42." Hey, he's right! What a pleasant surprise, I get to be 42 all over again!

I hope that because I haven't been preaching about prayer that nobody has been taking a break from it. If you have, that's OK but please start up again. I want Monday to be as smooth as possible for Johnny and I would love it if the nausea and vomiting don't become an issue with the new dosage.

Thanks for keeping our whole family in your prayers. We don't take it lightly, believe me. Prayer is some powerful stuff, people, and we want to put it to good use on Johnny. Pray along with me, will you?

Some Thoughts on HOPE

• Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness.
• Hope sustains us through despair.
• We learn to cultivate hope the same way we learn to walk: one step at a time.
• Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us.
• There is never anything false about hope.

Busy, busy, busy

There you go, Uncle Ricky . . . pictures of Quinn's bear just like I promised! :O}










It is crazy how busy a family can be once school starts up, isn't it? Today was a divide and conquer kind of day.

My mom and dad picked the boys up from school, brought them home so that Jake could get his soccer uniform and gear, gave them a snack and then took Quinn to the Jr. High. Johnny's 7th grade football team had a game at Ring Lardner (which they won!) so Quinn and Johnny stayed in town. Then, they took Jake to Dowagiac for his soccer game. In the mean time, I finished up at work (thanks, Dennis for doing the late case! and my bestie, Laurie Lou for covering call for a while!) and drove to Dowagiac to catch up with Jake and the rest of the spectators. Of course, once I got to the stands to watch the game it started raining. Yuck. (Thanks Mom and Dad for all of your help!)

We all finally made it home around 8 p.m. where chaos ensued until snacks were eaten (again), homework finished up, showers taken, teeth brushed, etc and the boys finally got to bed around 9:15. Pretty good for all they had to accomplish.

While they were running helter skelter around the house, I was putting the finishing touches on the raffle tickets for the many, many prizes being offered at the golf outing and fish fry. Seriously, people -- you cannot believe all the prizes. We really know a lot of great people!

Just to whet your appetite here are just some of the prizes: a 7-day Ohio bow hunt, a Lake Michigan charter for four, a Lake Erie charter for four, a 3-day spring Ohio turkey hunt, a cooler full of fresh-frozen seafood from Florida, oil changes, hair cuts, sports memorabilia, golf packages, sporting events tickets, restaurant certificates . . . and the list really goes on and on.

Our excitement is increasing by the day for the golf outing and fish fry. And! It isn't to late for you to join us on Thursday night for the Escanaba in Da Moonlight production. That is sure to be a great time, too! Please contact me if you are still interested in tickets.

So, are you wondering how the Toad is actually doing? Last week chemo was pretty rough on him, and it took him much longer to recover than what he is used to. We know that Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of chemo week are rough, and that is where we want it to end. The reality of it is that as his body weakens from the chemo, the recovery will get harder. And it is. Although he tries really hard to get up and go, I can see it in his eyes when he is tired. He gets pale, too, when his body has had enough and needs rest. For instance, our family went to the high school football game last Friday night. Johnny had already had a long day with work and 7th grade football practice. By the middle of the third quarter, he leaned over and told me, "Whenever you're ready." What that really meant was, "I'm ready." When we got home, I didn't like how pale he looked. He took some Compazine and Ativan and headed to bed. I try not to harp on him about doing too much because Dr. Ansari has told Johnny to push as much as he wants. His body really does tell him when he needs to stop. I try to allow that to happen and follow his lead on what he can and can't do. It is so hard, though. I want to protect him from everything: tiredness, nausea, obnoxious people -- and I just can't all the time.

We anxiously await our next session with Dr. Ansari. We will find out the results of the labs which will determine if the amount of chemo is going to increase. We will also be arranging the next set of scans. I think the plan is for another MRI and another PET scan, not sure about a CT. I'm anxious in both a good and bad way for that to happen. With the diagnosis of cancer, I think you are always waiting for something bad to happen, even when nothing has gone wrong. Johnny is as anxious as I am with all of this. He was even thinking about calling the office to find out the results of the labs, but then we decided that we wouldn't know what positive or negative would mean for us, so we decided to let it go until we are parked in front of Dr. Ansari.

It is interesting to experience the life we lead on a daily basis with the ever present cancer chorus playing in the background. It never leaves us, not even for a minute. I have to tell you, truly, it is getting old.

Just Another Normal Day

We have come to the end of another chemo week and it feels good. This was kind of a tough week for Johnny. On Wednesday he had to go in for the additional blood test and that really whooped him. He came home from that and pretty much slept the rest of the day. When he woke up on Thursday, he did feel much better, but still looked tired to me.

He pushed himself to get up and go on Friday and managed to work for a couple hours, attend football practice and then go to the high school football game that night. I know, I know, he should rest more. . . but the doctor told him to do what he can AND to actually push himself. So, even though I keep saying "rest" he keeps saying, "I don't have to." Fine.

Today was just pretty much one of those "normal" days. It started early with soccer pictures and a soccer game in Edwardsburg for Jake (which they won and Jake had a goal!!) then we split into two teams: one to go set up tree stands and hunting spots and the other to go shopping for jeans and shoes for Jake. No, I didn't go set up the tree stands -- Johnny always picks that one. Incidentally, Jake and I went to Kohl's where we found 5 pair of jeans for him in about 20 minutes. That has to be a new land speed record for blue jeans shopping. Then we headed to Dick's Sporting Goods where we sought out the latest and greatest in Under Armor shoes. Incidentally, why do shoes have to cost so much more just because he now wears adult size? That just makes me angry. BUT! I discovered today that a boy's size 6 1/2 is exactly my size so I got the latest and greatest in Under Armor shoes for boys, too. And ha ha, my shoes were $20 less than Jake's!

Johnny and Quinn worked hard out at Cal Jordan's farm to set up some additional spots for hunting. Johnny's life-long friend (and Cal's son) Jimmy and his son Tyler are coming up for the youth hunting season next weekend and Quinn is serious about getting Tyler a great spot for his first big hunt. They have set out field cameras and scoped out the area very well so that Tyler can be successful for this hunt. I think Quinn and Johnny are just as excited for Tyler to get one as he and Jimmy are. We are really looking forward to seeing them this weekend!

Of course, the activities of the day have worn out the toad (and the Mrs.!) and he is already off to bed for the evening. I am heading there soon myself.

Hope everyone enjoyed this gorgeous day as much as we did!

Wednesday at the Brawley's

Still quiet on the Brawley Front. Although Johnny wouldn't describe this round as "awful", it hasn't been the best, either. Yesterday was actually better than today, so we don't know if Wednesday will now start being the yucky day or if this is just a fluke.

Johnny had to go in to the infusion center today to have a special lab drawn while he was still on the 5-FU pump so that Dr. Ansari can determine whether or not he will increase the dosage at his next cycle. The trip in the car was a doozy for Johnny. He felt pretty good until they had to leave and once they got moving in the car, it just didn't agree with him. I happen to think it was probably MIL's driving, but who knows. . . Since then he has been pretty much wiped out for the remainder of the day. Still sleeping right now, and will for the rest of the night.

Even though he was queasy, he still managed to eat all three meals today and drink some fluids. Getting fluids down is always the hardest part for Johnny since he can't have anything cold. Imagine that, if you will. You are thirsty -- really thirsty -- and you absolutely cannot have anything cold to drink. It isn't fun because NOTHING satisfies a thirst warm, believe it or not. He is still sticking to warm lemon-lime Gatorade and warm red Kool-aid, and the occasional warm glass of water. He doesn't like the taste of coffee during chemo week (salty) and I even tried tea last night to no avail. Any suggestions on something we should try lukewarm that may satisfy his thirst? We are open to suggestions!

I think he is sick of me sniffing at him because, yeah, still smells like baby. I love that!

Ginger was here all day yesterday and today, and I so appreciate her. (Don't tell me I sound like a broken record; everyone should sing the praises of their mother-in-law!!!) Today was a loooong day for her. She arrived at 7:00 when I leave to take the boys to school and go to work, and stayed until after Jake's soccer game (about 7:30) so that I could be there for him. She worked a 12-hour day and got diddly-squat for pay!

I am starting to freak out a little about the Escanaba tickets, if you want to know the truth. Well, even if you don't want to know the truth. We still have MANY seats left. I would love to get an email from everyone reading this tonight to tell me that they need tickets . . . is that possible? I know that it is tough to get away on a school night, especially with sports and such. If you can work it into your schedule, though, we would so love to see all of our friends and family there. So, as a reminder the production is by the Elkhart Civic Theatre at the Bristol Opera House (just past Elkhart) on Thursday, September 24th. Doors open at 7, play starts at 7:30. Minimum donations are $10 each. If you would like tickets, please call me at home (269-683-0604) or email me (toad4mimi@aol.com) and let me know how many tickets you would like and the amount you would like to donate. It is really that simple.

Well, I am just about out of gas for the night. The boys are in their rooms, probably asleep because they are totally quiet. I still need to run to the store for milk for the morning and then I am coming home and going to bed myself. I wish the weekend started on Thursday!

Hope you are all taking care of yourselves and washing your hands frequently. Remember to sneeze/cough into your elbow, rather than your hands and at any signs of the flu -- STAY HOME! Seriously, people, give yourself and everyone around you a break and isolate yourself for a day or two if you are sick. You are doing everyone a favor, believe me. The Swine Flu is just the flu, but it does require you to take care of yourself. And please, if you have the sniffles wait for a while before you grace our home with your presence. We love you and love your visits, but I need to protect Johnny first and myself and the boys second. I may have to start screening all visitors at the door! Don't make me do it!

Thank you for all the continued notes, cards and calls. Most of all thanks for the prayers. I know they are working. Everytime Dr. Ansari reports on alab value, I can tell that the power of prayer is really at work.

State of the Toad

The fifth cycle is complete (well, except for the annoying little pump thing still attached). This morning we arrived at the infusion center with me saying my standard prayer for the port to please please please please please please work and what do you know . . . it worked. First time, too. No triple flushing, no special elixirs to clear it all out, no problems at all. I was relieved straight out of the gates. So was Johnny, and it showed in his blood pressure. Usually he is quite nervous about the port thing and his blood pressure shows it by being as high as the 180s. Today, with a cooperating port, his BP was a normal 118/70. Perfect.

We talked to Dr. Ansari about the State of the Toad. Things are looking good from his perspective. He really likes that the CEA is 13.8 and thinks that means the chemo is working well. We asked if it would at all be possible to do only 6 cycles before considering surgery. His reply: "Why would we do that? The chemo is working. Let's let it do its job." So, no such luck getting out of an additional 6 cycles. Actually, instead of getting out of them it looks like we will be kicking it up a notch -- BAM! Johnny goes in on Wednesday to have a special blood test drawn to see what his 5-FU levels are. Depending on the outcome of that, the dosage may possibly (probably) be increased at his next cycle. That may mean more nausea and/or vomiting with the increased dosage, but we really don't know that yet. Pray that it doesn't.

One of the questions that we've had for a while is: How long will we have to wait after the 12th cycle to have surgery. Obviously, we need time for Johnny's body and his blood counts to recover after 24 weeks of chemotherapy before we go cutting things out of him. According to Dr. Ansari, it will be 3-4 week's wait. That will give us time to meet and decide on a surgeon and make all of our travel arrangements. There will be a lot of logistics involved, so I am glad we will have the time off chemo to take care of everything.

Good news to report on his lab values for today! His platelet count actually went up. It was 116 last time and today it was a whopping 124. I think this may have been part of Dr. Ansari's decision to up the dosage, although I don't know it for sure. All of the other relative labs are still in the normal range, which makes me really happy!

While at the infusion center, we ran into an old friend from high school. Really, it isn't the place that you want to run in to old friends. I haven't seen Vince since probably high school, even though he lives locally. He was diagnosed two years ago with lung cancer and has been fighting a really hard battle ever since. The cancer had already spread to the bone by the time they found it, and has now found it's way to his brain. He and his lovely wife, Denise, and their three children are currently building a home here in Niles and hope to be moved in within the next month. He is a walking miracle, and I would like you to help us pray to God to allow him to continue to be that miracle. Like Johnny, his outlook is amazing and so positive. He was one of the only other guys in high school that would hunt/fish as much as Johnny and has had many hunting adventures in his life. . . many of which Johnny envies!

Incidentally, Vince went to the doctor to establish care with a new physician (much like Johnny) and told him of a "sissy cough" (Vince's term) that he had had for a while. He never expected it to be anything. Again, this is a good lesson for all of us. If you have something on your mind pertaining to your health, please don't hesitate to go to the doctor. What is the point of waiting? Seriously, there are two possible outcomes when you go to the doctor. It is either NOTHING, at which point you thank your lucky stars and leave with peace of mind. Or, it is SOMETHING, at which point you thank your lucky starts that you have found it and can now start dealing with it in an appropriate manner. Waiting gets you nothing at all. Sometimes waiting gets you something even worse than nothing at all.

Tonight I am going to bed thankful that we have found Johnny's cancer and are dealing with it appropriately. I hate that he has to go through all of this to get healthy again, but it is so worth it. As long as he can stay strong, I will stay strong with him.

I also go to bed praying for our friend, Vince, and his family; and for strength for our friend Matt, and his family; and for a whole host of new friends that we have met on this trip that we had no intentions of taking. But, since we are taking it, we may as well enjoy renewing old friendships, maintaining current friendships, and embracing the new friendships as they come along.

It is all about the friendships, people. And as James Taylor would say: Just shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel. Things are gonna work out fine if you only will. Shower the people you love with love, show them the way you feel. Things are gonna be much better if you only will.

Oh, great. Now I am going to go to bed with that song in my head, too. I probably won't be alone. :O)