Coincidences and Blessings

Ever since this whole thing with Johnny started, I've wondered "Why?". Ok, not in that "Oh, poor me . . . poor Johnny . . . poor us" kind of way, but just an overall curiosity. Was there something that could have been done to prevent it from happening or is it just what it is? I believe in a certain element of Karma, but not as a means of retribution per se.

I have done enough examination of our circumstances to see some very obvious coincidences.

Coincidence #1:

New Year's Resolutions are fun for me. I make them and by the first of March they are usually completely forgotten, just like everyone else. I tend to not make the whole "Get in shape and lose weight" resolution, because that is just too depressing. I like to go for the more obscure stuff. For example, about three years ago my resolution was to write and send 50 snail mail letters that weren't birthday cards. I had to choose random people, you know not just my family and Johnny's family. Random. Mission NOT accomplished for 2006. However, I have had the opportunity to write to well over 100 people so far this year in an expression of deep gratitude for what has been provided to our family since Johnny's diagnosis. Meals, gifts, bottles of wine, meaningful visits -- all from a varitable random assortment of the people in our lives. Maybe I can count this as delayed resolution fulfillment.

Coincidence #2:

Since the boys were fresh from the womb, Johnny has been the primary parent. I mean that in a really good way. Most kids spend all of their time with mom and not nearly enough with their dad. People know that my job has always been the more time consuming and the one with the more rigid schedule. I punch a timeclock, Johnny never has. He has always been the one to get the boys up in the morning, get them breakfast and ready for the day. Whether it was off to daycare when they were little, or now as big kids getting off to school, Johnny was the one that handled it and did it well. To be perfectly honest, I always felt that I was missing out on that part of my kids "growing up." But since Johnny handled it so well, I also felt the blessing that I could count on him for anything that had to do with raising the boys. On the occasion that I would take over morning duties, I sensed that it wasn't the natural flow for the boys -- almost like I was disrupting the way things worked.

When we knew that Johnny's cancer treatments were going to cause issues with getting the boys up and off to school in the morning, I talked with my boss at work about the possibility of coming in to work at a constant time, and much later than I normally did. Fortunately, it was possible and I have become the primary parent for the very first time.

It has been an opportunity for me that I didn't realize I had been missing out on. I get the boys up for school every day and make sure they have a nice breakfast (This morning: Hot biscuits fresh from the oven and sausage gravy -- YUMMO!). We also use the time on the ride to school to talk and have had some meaningful conversations. I can tell you that Johnny usually takes the 10 extra minutes of sleep route, rather than fixing the scrumptious breakfasts, but hey - I'm not trying to tell him how to do the job!

I don't know if the kids realize how much this has meant to me, but it doesn't matter. The rewards I have received from the bonus time with the boys has been serendipitous.

Coincidence #3:

Until July 8, 2009, no one in this house took prescription medication. I think it was in February or March when a friend at work was looking over some receipts to submit for the before tax funds that come out to pay for medical expenses (What is that called?). She asked me if I had any money taken out for medical expenses and I said, "We don't have anything. None of us take any medications at all." Woo Hoo. You should see the drug stockpile we've got going on now. Johnny has a total of 8 medications that he takes, and I have 3. Seriously, I'm saving all of the pill bottles and will do something very creative with them when this is all over!

Coincidence #4:

Let me get really honest here for a minute. I have been very well taken care of since June 19, 1984. That was the first day that I kissed Johnny Brawley in Quetico National Park, Ontario, Canada. We were on a backpacking and canoe trip (I know you have heard this story before!) and that is when we got together. A few days into the trip I ended up with Strep throat and was very sick. I was laying on a sun-warmed rock to try and absorb the heat while everyone else was eating. Johnny brought me some spaghetti and Kool-aid and told me that I needed to eat and drink something. Yeah, three days in to the relationship and he is already my prince charming. I have been well cared for every day since then. (With very few exceptions.) I have never really had the opportunity/necessity to care for him like he cares for me. He requires so little.

Until now.

I have really taken this newly-acquired job seriously. He deserves it and I really want to do a good job for him. I have a complete ritual that I perform on the Sundays before chemotherapy, just so that he is comfortable for the next three or four days that he will be spending in the bedroom/bathroom. Clean sheets, clean blankets, clean pillows, clean (SANITIZED!) bathroom, clean favorite pajamas, pills all counted out for the upcoming week, remote control placed in close proximity on his bedside table. Whatever I can do to make the chemo week tolerable, I will do. He would do all this and more for me, and I know it.

There is nothing about Johnny's cancer that makes me happy. I hate that he has gone through even one single minute of nausea and discomfort because of all this. What I have discovered is that there are blessings to be found in all circumstances. I have had the blessing of reconnecting with literally hundreds of friends and family over the course of the last 4 months. I have had the blessing of discovering the mom that I knew I could be. I have had the blessing of discovering my ability to handle situations that I had no idea I could handle. And I have had the blessing of showing the man that I love that I meant every word of "in sickness and in health."

And I thank God every single night for all of my blessings.