Icky

It was silly to think that Johnny would be able to go through this whole cancer thing without so much as a sick day. It was silly, but I still hoped for it. I was wrong.

He has been asleep/sleepy most of the day. The nausea started pretty early so he took some meds to help (Compazine/Ativan) but by this evening it became perfectly clear that Johnny is a cancer patient on chemotherapy. It made me so sad.

I am trying really hard to not be a wuss, but as the evening wears on I find it more difficult. I know Johnny is worried about me and it makes me mad (at myself) when I am teary in front of him. I try to keep in mind the words of a very good friend, "Suck it up, this isn't about you. Be strong for him and the kids and fall apart on your own time." No seriously, sometimes I need to hear it like that. Thanks, Ulysses.

So, our house is very quiet tonight. The boys ate dinner at Angie's (thanks, sis) and I just keep rearranging magazines and trying to figure out what I can do to help. Which, evidently, is to rearrange magazines.

Please pray that the Ickies go away quickly and that Johnny can get some much needed rest tomorrow. After the pump comes out tomorrow afternoon, I know that he will be more comfortable and at least be able to get comfy in bed. It is really hard to sleep on a leash.

If there are any friends out there from Bowne reading this post, I would just like you to know that you are the most amazing people. You have no idea how comforting your gift is to us. With anything as unplanned as cancer, the future can seem pretty scary. Thank you for making it seem managable.

Matt, from the bottom of our hearts -- thank you. You and Angie are the two people that feel this the closest and your generosity is more than overwhelming. This is why Johnny wanted you guys on our team all those years ago.

"Always surround yourself with good people." -- Johnny Brawley

And when times are tough, you discover exactly how good those people can be.